Itsy Bitsy Spider

I was standing outside this evening, and the sight of an ominous looking yellow spider caught my eye.  Half paralyzed in fear and half in intrigue, I stopped in my tracks and observed the ugly little creature for a few minutes.  I watched the spider spin its web of intricately woven silk, diligently crawling up and down to create its masterpiece.  It seemed like such a menial task and tedious task.  The silk so thin and delicate, that if a person or anything other than an insect was to accidentally pass through it, all the spider’s meticulous and conscientious work would be immediately destroyed. 

As I watched the spider repetitiously pull silk from post to post, I realized that although we usually view spider webs as an annoyance to our likeliness of the outdoors (don’t tell me you don’t go ape shit and flail your arms around like a maniac the moment you feel the slight stickiness of a spider web on you), the patience and painstaking work that a spider puts into its web is in all actuality, quite admirable.  The dull task of weaving silk back and forth, to and fro, while uninspiring on the surface, is in fact the kind of humdrum work required to create the web.  A small act for a much bigger picture.

I (almost) became completely absorbed in the spider’s work and then it dawned on me.  We are all spiders.  Itsy bitsy ones in this vast world, but nonetheless, spiders.  We go through each day having to muster up the enthusiasm and energy to pull our own fragile strings of silk across the many facets that make up our life all the while knowing damn well that at any moment, our hard work may be interrupted or torn down.  Sometimes the days become mundane, tasks lack excitement, and life tastes stale.  What we should remember, as this spider reminded me tonight, is that there is a much bigger picture to all that we do.  The hard work and diligence we exert now will create a masterpiece in the end.  It may not be the masterpiece we envisioned with the first pull of our web, but it's the masterpiece intended for us all along.  So long as we do our part, for our own individual lives and for the greater good of human kind. 

“Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world.”  -Howard Zinn

Fuck Cancer

On World Cancer Day...

For my grandfather who lost his battle to cancer.  And for my best friend who is fighting with a lightheartedness that most people struggle to find in their daily life, let alone when they are diagnosed with cancer.

"What Cancer Cannot Do"

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit"

-Author Unknown

http://www.worldcancerday.org/

The Fear of Passion

Is it a risk not to have a Plan B?  What if I've been so focused on Plan A, the thing I am most passionate about, that not reaching that goal was never an option?  At what point do you say that enough is enough and it's time to move on?  Is there such a thing as moving on if it's the one thing in your gut that you know you were meant to do?

A goal without a timeline is just a dream. 

So how do I create a timeline?  How am I supposed to put an expiration date on my goal?  Would it be more brave for me to say "Ok, I tried.  I have to move on" or to keep on keepin' on?  

That is the fear of passion.  And the worst part?  No right answer.

My Tribe

Women who effortlessly exude the perfect balance of delicate vulnerability and ferocity.  Women whose bullshit tolerance is low and need to tell-it-like-it-is remains at a constant high.  Self-made and independent, but always mindful of the importance of a strongly woven net of relationships.  The movers, the shakers, the doers.  Women who talk the talk, walk the walk, and can do both simultaneously.  The goal-diggers who dream big with their head in the clouds, but keep their feet a sensible distance from the ground.  Women who refuse to live in fear, but rather, through it.  The women whose daily actions demonstrate that truly, 'she believed she could, so she did'.  Women who love hard and selflessly, but not carelessly.  Women who might have been torn down before, but cannot be destroyed.

This describes the tribe of women I am surrounded by, friends who inspire and empower me on a daily basis.  And for that, I am so thankful.

HERE WE GO AGAIN

I've kept some kind of blog since my freshman year of college.  Xanga was all the rage back then, and once I graduated from UCI, I also graduated myself from Xanga to Blogger, where I stayed loyal through my post-college move to San Diego.  When I felt it was time to move back home and start the grad school/credential process, I retired my blogging life.

I've tried to stay consistent in my writing, while not on an internet platform, although I can't say with confidence that I have succeeded.  I write when I feel as though the words flow easy, when I feel as though I have something "good" to say.  I realize now that just like anything else we are passionate about, writing takes practice, patience, and unrelenting honesty.  Sometimes, I think I avoid writing things down because there's a sense of totality that comes along with it.  If there's no record of it, I can pretend that it didn't happen, or that I don't feel a certain way.  It's a gross game of pretend that I play with myself, and frankly, it's self-deprecating and unhealthy.

So here I am.

I've made resolutions in Januarys of past to write more frequently.  This year, I want to stop being scared.  I want to be able to write freely, but more importantly, to write bravely.  I want to share my words, whether it be to entertain people, to provide insight, perspective, or as a vehicle for killing boredom.  I'm putting myself out there.

I've tried to consider a primary focus for this blog, but as I'm a complex person with many different parts that make up my life, I don't think it would be fair to limit myself here.  Obviously, some information will be withheld for personal caution, but I hope this blog will cover most of what is most important in my life.  It will include archived pieces I've written, commentary on new experiences, a lot of self-reflection, and whatever else I feel I want to document.  Most importantly, this blog will grow with me as I continue on this journey through growing up.

Hello, world.